Emmanuelle Chriqui is Wonder Woman!

The newest blockbuster super-hero movie to shoot is my favourite kind: The kind where the protagonist is a hot, scantily-clad chick who kicks ass!!! But who will play the new Wonder Woman? I am not the first to ponder this sexy new question. Names have been bandied about including tv's original Wonder Woman, Lynda Carter who says she’s too old, and if she hadn't, I would have.

One of the search engines today had a poll who's choices were Sandra Bullock,Catherine Zeta-Jones,Katie Holmes and Eliza Dushku and a few others that were more about big budget names than about someone who suited the role of the Wonder Woman for the new millenium.

My pick is Emmanuelle Chriqui! Think about it, folks. She's perfect and would add a touch of the exotic (not to mention sex-appeal) to a traditionally white bread role.
This ain't your grandma's Wonder Woman, sister!
For those of you who STILL don't know of Chriqui, she plays Sloan on Entourage, and was most recently seen opposite Adam Sandler in Don't Mess With The Zohan.

She's had a hell of a past couple of years, having done some good movies as well as some really bad movies, but even those have always been opposite really huge stars who couldn't act, so you can hardly blame her.

Just look at this picture. Could you not just see her in that little outfit with the big gold bracelets?

Also, whenever she appears on TV, she's always so bubbly and down-to-earth and friendly. I love it when hot female stars are friendly to everybody. And I hear she has non-celebrity boyfriends. That gives hope to every mediocre schmuck in America, or if I may include her native country, Canada.

On a side note, has anyone in America noticed all of the hot young female talent that comes out of Canada?

Elisha Cuthbert
Carrie-Ann Moss
Estella Warren
Evangeline Lily
Linda Evangelista
Shania Twain
Rachel McAdams
Caroline Rhea?

Okay. I went too far. But I love me some Caroline Rhea!

It begs the question: What the f**k is going on in Canada?

Is there some sick, secret scientific (I like illiteration. Sue me.) experiment that turns your daughters into sweet, sexy, seductresses (Come on, you love it) who cast a spell over the American public, take our money, and buy real estate in Vancouver?

Well, one of them's about to become Wonder Woman!!

Get on the bandwagon folks. You know you love her, and she's got the right physique and personality.

She's like the tomboy next door that was your buddy, until the day she first put on a dress, like for her cousin's wedding, and you looked at her, and had thoughts that made you feel shame.

I love it!

Chriqui for Wonder Woman!
Chriqui for Wonder Woman!
Say it with me.
Chriqui for Wonder Woman!
Chriqui for Wonder Woman!

P-Funk and the Brides of Funkenstein!

I am following my own blog by responding to someone's verbal feedback that, while I mentioned Clinton & Collins, I didn't list any of their songs or the band's.
My most sincere apologies Kelly. This one's for you.

Parliament, Funkadelic, Bootsy's Rubber Band, Zapp, Brides of Funkenstein, or any amalgum of the aforementioned or their players are unavoidable if you are a fan of the funk! These guys brought an outrageous playfulness to the music, and heightened the theatrical and staging aspect of musical performances of all genres to lofty new heights with their outlandish costumes (that one dude still performs in a diaper, and by now, he may actually be using it), and the ever-present "Mothership"!
Some music critics and funk "purists" if you will, even consider their electric funk offshoot, as a genre unto itself.
Let us not forget that their members included some greats such as Fred Wesley and Maceo Parker who, with Collins and Clinton, all once played for James Brown (Bootsie was fired after an on-stage LSD freakout during which he believed his bass had turned into a snake).
I do not have the necessary vocabulary to describe the feeling that this music evokes, and it may well be too subjective anyway, so I surrender to the listener, and leave you with some suggestions to facilitate the journey of your discovery.

Funkadelic was originally founded by George Clinton in the late 60s and had some soulful tunes like:

Open Our Eyes
I'll Bet You
Music For My Mother
I Wanna Know If It's Good To You

But then, inspired by groundbreakers Jimi Hendrix and Sly Stone, they went a little psychedelic with:

Red Hot Mama
Sexy Ways
Too Tight For Light

For those who are confused (and who wouldn't be?), let me briefly explain that in 1972, Funkadelic recruited several members of James Brown's band (I guess the hardest-working man was working his band too hard!) most notably Bootsy Collins and his brother Catfish (My future child's name. Boy OR girl!).
Bootsy, become a major contributor to their sound with that signature bass and downright freaky persona. The lineup underwent several incarnations due to members entering the military, or prison, or re-hab, or marrying the wrong woman (see Yoko).

Now, for contractual recording purposes, 2 separate bands: Parliament and Funkadelic who featured mostly the same musicians, operated simultaneously under both names. At first, Parliament was designated as a more mainstream band with soul vocals and horn arrangements like Kool & the Gang or Earth, Wind & Fire, while Funkadelic was a more experimental and freestyle guitar-based funk band. Somewhere along the line, the separation became unclear to everyone. So they toured under the combined name Parliament-Funkadelic.
George Clinton so confused the record companies that they often didn't know what belonged to whom and eventually dissolved both to become the P-Funk All Stars.

Then they added Walter "Junie" Morrison of the Ohio Players, lost their minds, became thoroughly FUNKDAFIED, and released their best work!

Mothership Connection
Flashlight
Give Up The Funk (Tear the Roof Off)
Ride On
Up For The Downstroke
Get Off Your Ass and Jam
One Nation Under A Groove
I Didn't Know The Funk Was Loaded (Count Funkula)***

Other offshoots include:
More Bounce To The Ounce - Zapp
Atomic Dog - George Clinton
Bootzilla - Bootsy Collins
Do Fries Go With That Shake - George Clinton
Psychoticbumpschool-Bootsy Collins
Rat Kissed The Cat - Dr. Funkenstein & Brides of Funkenstein
Funk Me Dirty - Bootsy Collins
Up Up and Away - Brides of Funkenstein

There you are folks, now GO FUNK YOURSELVES!

*All of these songs can be found under the heading Parliament, Funkadelic or P-Funk. My head hurts!
Additional note:In 1990 Bootsy collaborated with Deee-Lite on "Groove Is In The Heart" but the bassline in the song is actually a sample of a Herbie Hancock song called "Bring Down the Birds" which means he was "Bass-synching", that Milli Vanilli mutha @#$%!!
Bootsy's Rubber Band became the defacto backing musicians for Deee-Lite during their world tour.

Bring Da Funk, baby!

What is Funk?
The Princeton on-line dictionary (of all sources) defines it as

"an earthy type of jazz combined with blues and soul, containing a heavy bass line that accentuates the first beat in the bar."

Doesn't exactly put you in the mood, does it?
But mood is exactly how Funk music affects you. A raw, street-inspired sound, usually in a major key, with a bass line that walks you through the song, while the horns (a staple in any good funk tune) punctuate the drum beats (or vice versa), leaving you no option but to shake what god gave you!

Funk emerged as a raw, primal fusion of R&B and Jazz, taking the focus away from the vocals, except for that one guy in the band who always yelled "Oow!" (the key discerning feature in many great funk songs). The groove was often improvised, so it was fresh and fun for the players as well as the listener.

James Brown introduced Funk with his signature grooves and hardcore rhythms that emphasized the downbeat, and brought the sound to a broad audience.

It must have been in the blood, because next there were the Isley Brothers, and then Sly & the Family Stone took it to another level, followed by George Clinton and Bootsie Collins who kicked it into high gear and paved the way for the disco, which was a dilluted and less free-flowing type of sound.

Even after Disco came and went, Funk remained with it's edgier, less refined, more honest sound. Funk still had a place, which is evident by the success of Cameo, The GAP Band, The Bar-Kays, Con Funk Shun and Kool & The Gang (arguably less funky in the 80s, but still funky).

Now this is all very academic, but music needs to be heard, so here is a list of songs that will introduce you to the crazy, over-the-top, can't-sit-still world of funk.

Starting from the early days of Capes to Faux-fur, multi-coloured fedoras, and high heels with goldfish in them, to baggy rain suits with hoods for break-dancing.
Here goes:

Get up (like a sex machine)- James Brown
Get Up Offa That Thing - James Brown
It's Your Thing - Isley Brothers
Dance To The Music - Sly & The Family Stone
Thank You (Falletinme be mice Elf agin)- Sly & The Family Stone
Love Rollercoaster - Ohio Players
Fire - Ohio Players
Too Hot To Stop - Bar Kays
Freakshow On The Dance Floor - Bar Kays
Too Hot To Trot - Commodores (Yes. Lionel Richie was once a funker!)
Slippery When Wet - Commodores
Ffun - Con Funk Shun
What Is Hip - Tower of Power
Cut The Cake - Average White Band

Any early Kool & The gang, Earth, Wind & Fire, Curtis Mayfield, Brothers Johnson, Rufus & Chaka Khan, L.T.D., Dazz Band and the list goes on...
...because don't nobody want to live in a world without FUNK!!

Classic Rock!

Something about the title made me feel it required an exclamation point!
My apologies to all of the Hip-Hop devotees with regards to my next statement.
Here goes:
I think the best poetry ever written can be found in the lyrics of classic rock songs:
Bob Dylan, Simon and Garfunkel, The Beatles, Pete Townshend (The Who), Led Zeppelin, Bernie Taupin (Elton John), Neil Young, Roger Waters (Pink Floyd), Jim Morrison (The Doors), Ray Davies (The Kinks), Leonard Cohen, Joni Mitchell, Lou Reed, Van Morrison, and his supreme highness Bob Marley, and others of their ilk are THE relevant poets of the 20th century!

Sidebar: Bob Marley's reggae, unlike some reggae, transcends every genre of music, and is always accepted within Rock. It just is. Bob Marley is exempt to boundaries. Deal with it.
Also, I am Bob's illegitimate son. I can't prove it, but you can't disprove it either, so that's my story. Stickin' to it!

Before I go any further, this does not reflect poorly on Hip-Hop to which I have been devoted from it's inception. Some great and important things have been said in some very creative ways.

I am talking about poetry that deals with the struggles and emotions of ALL human beings. The rock music made in the 60s and 70s spoke, perhaps idealistically, with no division between social status', race or geographical boundaries. Most of these artists' work are not only as consequential today as ever, but are even more widely accepted AS poetry. A student would not think twice about handing in a paper on Leonard Cohen or Bob Dylan, and a poetry professor would not think twice to receive it.

In the 50s, songs were rarely about anything more than a boy wanting to kiss a girl or vice versa. There was much emphasis on harmonies, but there was little passion with the absence of any cause. Vietnam was that cause! Sparking lyrics protesting war, and promoting unity among all people.

"How many ears must one man have before he can hear people cry? Yes, and how many deaths will it take 'til he knows that too many people have died?" - Bob Dylan

and

"The eastern world it is explodin', violence flarin', bullets loadin', you're old enough to kill, but not for votin', you don't believe in war, what's that gun you're totin'?" Barry McGuire

"So tonight you better stop and rebuild all your ruins, because peace and trust can win the day despite of all your losing." - Led Zeppelin

Also, somebody must have grown some really good weed because suddenly we're hearing lines like:

"When logic and proportion, Have fallen sloppy dead, And the White Knight is talking backwards, And the Red Queen's "off with her head!" Remember what the doormouse said; FEED YOUR HEAD!" - Jefferson Airplane

or these Beatles lyrics:

"Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes that call me on and on across the universe. Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box. They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe."

I've never tried LSD, but for that type of perspective, I just might.
Here are some more of my favourite lines, some literal, and some allegorical, but all make you go hmmm...:

"If you smile at me I will understand, cause that is something everybody everywhere does in the same language." - Crosby, Stills, and Nash

"Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea. All we do, crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see, dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind." - Kansas

"I have only one burning desire. Let me stand next to your fire!" - Jimi Hendrix

"You would think with all the genius and the brilliance of these times, we might find a higher purpose and a better use of mind." - Jackson Browne

"Dont talk of love, but Ive heard the words before.
Its sleeping in my memory. I wont disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.I am a rock." - Simon and Garfunkel

"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl year after year." - Pink Floyd

"And you shall take me strongly in your arms again, and I will not remember that I even felt the pain. We shall walk and talk in gardens all misty and wet with rain, and I will never grow so old again." - Van Morrison

"I watch the ripples change their size, But never leave the stream of warm impermanence. So the days float through my eyes, but still the days seem the same. And these children that you spit on, as they try to change their worlds, are immune to your consultations. Theyre quite aware of what theyre going through." - David Bowie

There's poetry in them there words folks!
This could become an ongoing blog unto itself. I welcome any comments, perhaps with your own favourite lyrics.