Bring On The '10s!

Robert Frost once wrote these words:
"Nothing to look backward to with pride, and nothing to look forward to with hope."

Geez, you talk about a downer. A little optimism Robbie, please. I guess that's what happens when you take the "road less travelled".
When I look at this, our first decade of the entire millenium (if we survive the Al Gore prophecies), I see much to look upon with pride and I am hopeful.
As I examine the music of the last ten years, I wonder by which this era will be defined.

If history is any indication, the years will blur the lines that separate the most poignant artistry with the most carefully crafted diversions. What may be "Bubble-gum pop" today may one day be deemed a classic (I think Justin Beiber's head just exploded).
I fear for the day that I sit in my rocking chair, while the nurse changing my urine bag attempts to relate to me by dicussing the "Classics" of my day. This will inevitably lead to some conversation about how much more insightful the music of Hillary Duff when compared to the likes of Miley Cyrus.
And when we speak of the "saviours of Rock" like The Vines, The Strokes and Arcade Fire, will we be discussing them in the same breath as Jesse McCartney and The Jonas Brothers?
Which acts will stand out as having shaped the 2000s and which will be the influences that mold the future of music for the decades to come?
Rock continues to evolve into harder, louder, and more rebellious forms of Punk, Emo and Post-Neo-Progressive-Alternative-Metallic-Garage-Punk-Funk. That's when two rockers, who are tattooed and pierced from head-to-foot, with distortion pedals on high, use their guitars and drumsticks as weapons by which they fight to the death. (Okay, I made that up, but you can bet someone's pitching this as a reality show as we speak.)
Hip Hop also has few surprises left, so rappers like Soulja Boy will have to invent crazy new slang-engrained hooks so mothers can sing along at bar-mitzvahs, oblivious to the heinous sexual connotations within, while yelling out "Woo-hoo" and "Mazel Tov!".
Here are some of my predictions as the next decade takes shape:
I would like to begin by congratulating Chris Brown for becoming this millenium's first recipient of the "Ike Turner" award. Sure, he apologized, but forgive us for not embracing the "I temporarily lost my temper and accidentally punch and kicked her 78 times" defense. My prediction is that he'll be living with Amy Winehouse sometime soon.
Rihanna: The publicity surrounding her thrashing at the hands of Chris Brown ensured that she, like most battered women, can never return to him without major fan backlash. I expect her to continue making hits through 2020 if for no other reason than to piss him off.
Amy Winehouse: I cannot remember an artist who more quickly entered our zeitgeist with something so artistically sound, only to become her own worst enemy on the road to self-destruction. Thank goodness she gave us her Back To Black album to remember her by, because it would have been depressing if her only legacy was the re-emergence of that beehive hair-do.
Li'l Wayne: The departure of Chris Brown from the scene paves the way for Li'l Wayne whose music is so awesome that there is barely a mention of the fact that he has killed a man, and wears the silently prideful 'teardrop' tattoo as a souvenir. Personally, I would have just gone with the T-shirt that says, "That's right, I killed the bitch.". This has had no effect on his popularity, though. He's winning awards, collaborating with every big name in the biz, and even acting in such "classic" films as Baller Blockin' and Who's Your Caddy?
Note: You may have missed these masterpieces in their mad rush to circumvent the theatres for DVD.
That said, when the music is good, all else is forgiven. Just ask Michael Jackson.
Michael Jackson: What, you thought it was over? Sadly, Michael's death is a rebirth for his family. After all, when was the last time anybody cared what Tito had to say? Now, there's a movie, and a reality show, and they all get to fight over his will, custody of the kids and Bubbles, Webster, 2 giraffes, some marsupial hybrid, and a purple unicorn. The Jacksons will probably open up Neverland to the public. They can open a wax museum featuring different Michaels from childhood right through his various stages of metamorphosis ending in what appears to be Cornelius' wife, Zira, from the original Planet of the Apes.Madonna: It's getting harder to diss Madonna with each passing year because she keeps proving her critics wrong. Her albums and tours always do well, and she always manages to look relatively good. She is certainly in better shape than most 52 year olds I know, but much like Michael Jordan's basketball career, there eventually comes a time when you have to look and say, "You're too old for this", which is why Madonna wisely got into movies. Most people don't realize that Madonna has done over a dozen movies. The reason for that is that most people never see them. Is it because they suck? Yes, but Madonna is succesful because she's smart enough to know when to stop being self-indulgent (i.e. Shanghai Surprise and Evita), and just be a part of something bigger than herself like A League of Their Own. Will she continue to be a teen idol? Probably not, but don't count her out of showbiz. She'll be around and gainfully employed for the next decade at least.
Britney Spears: She either assumes Madonna's throne as the one that continues to reinvent herself and stays on top, or she becomes the next queen of soft-core porn. Actually, not so sure about the "soft-core". My guess is that she doesn't have to resort to that just yet, but don't discount the "accidental" appearance of a mysterious sex-tape with Snoop Dogg or Akon or someone (It worked for Pam Anderson, and those guys are big on collaborations). Britney is no Madonna. She doesn't have the smarts, but she does have the money, and the best producers that that money can buy. She will be okay.
Jay-Z: He will continue to do his thing. He will own the industry, and will continue to branch out into NBA and NFL franchises, clothing lines and technologies. For their 5th anniversary, he will buy Beyonce some extravagant exotic gift like, the Phillipines.
Spice Girls: They reunite, and explain how the answer to what they "really really want" could possibly be to "really really really really wanna zig-a-zig-ah". Stop right there. Thank you very much.
Lady Gaga: She continues making hits, but is never bothered by Paparazzi because no one knows what she actually looks like without the make-up and wig. She is eventually revealed to be Joey Fatone, formerly of N'Sync.
Akon: He eventually shows up on every Hip-hop and R&B album in America, and finally just ends up doing a duet with Barry Manilow (You knew Barry had to be in here somewhere).
Celine Dion: Among the best voices in popular music, she will continue to strive for perfection and will not be satisfied until she gets back to her original body weight of 8 lbs., 6 oz.
Eminem: His talent knows no bounds, but is it me, or is every album becoming angrier and more confrontational? Dude, you're rich. Stop bitching. Alicia Keys: This is my pick to own the decade. She's hot, she can sing, she can actually play and write music, she's hot, she can act and she's hot. All she really needs to do is keep working and stay hot.
Black Eyed Peas: These guys can do no wrong, and Fergie is still going strong after a very succesful, albeit weird, solo project (Fergalicious? Come on.). There's talent and chemistry in this group. Like a succesful marriage, they work well together, but occasionally take separate vacations. They seem to have the right formula for making catchy, commercial hits, so they'll be a hit with teens and tweens for some time to come.
White Stripes: The closest thing to real Rock n' Roll on a commercial level. The talent, the mindset, and the attitude. They are kind of like a modern male/female version of the Ramones in that their approach to writing and recording is about raw simplicity. My guess is that Jack White may end up on his own at some point now that they are divcorced (No, Meg was not his sister), but he seems to have an insatiable need to top their first album, and I believe that despite some pretty great efforts so far, this will drive him to give us something awesome in the '10s.
Kelly Clarkson: For the love of God girl, stop eating! When they told me she was going to be huge, I didn't realize that this is what they meant. This is not about body image. It's about health. She works constantly, and tours, and shows up at every award show, talk show and donut tasting. Kelly, you are rich now. Get a personal chef and trainer so that you can survive this decade and give us more of what we love about you, from the inside. My prediction is, she will heed my words (We're tight like that), and you are going to see a lot "less" of her while she maintains her stronghold over the industry. If only she could just do another movie with Justin Guarini.
Mariah Carey: The clock is ticking on the survival of that last brain cell. Great talent, but she keep her sanity? The odds are not great, but I'll bet that "sex-tape" idea would be great right about now.
As I write this, I realize this should probably be more of a book than a blog, but much like in everyday conversation, I can't help but say something. For that reason, there are many that I have left out, like Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, The Killers, Beyonce, Jamie Foxx, Mary J. Blige, Justin Timberlake, T.I., Leona Lewis, and on and on.....
Please feel welcome to add your comments below.
Happy New Year everybody.

Guitar Heroes

Nowadays, many of us have healthy fantasy lives as a result of all our technological advances; internet, video games, fantasy sports, and readily available pornography (Yeah, like it's just me).
Rockstar wannabes now have Guitar Hero and Rock Band to facilitate a healthy imagination, not just for kids, but for adults as well.

As a matter of fact, it has even become a very popular form of entertainment at parties. My friend (and business partner) Zev at Spirit Entertainment recently had the idea to combine Rock Band, and video karaoke to create a great new amusement for special events where multiple guests can fulfill their Rock N' Roll fantasies and receive a personal DVD complete with special effects to share with family and friends at Christmas, Kwanza, Passover or Magha Puja Day. To enjoy this at your next celebration, please contact Zev or Joel at http://www.spiritentertainment.ca/

Even with these games, we must remember that there are some of us (alright some of "you"), who actually play these instruments, and are the artists we all long to emulate. The mastering of any musical instrument requires talent, but also years of dedication and practice. The real "Guitar Hero" spends years honing his/her skills, and never really stops.

Every article written about guitar includes great names like; Hendrix, Clapton, Paige, Santana, Beck, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Eddie Van Halen and Slash to name just a few. But most of you know someone who knows someone that the rest of the world will never hear.

On a recent trip to Las Vegas, I met a gentleman who, throughout the 60s, 70s and 80s played guitar at countless hotel lounges, conference centres and conference halls with big name stars of yesteryear like BB King and T-Bone Walker.

For those of you who don't know him, I dedicate this post to Mr. Jesse "Huck" Daniels.

The following guitar virtuosos are names that many of you know, but who rarely grace the lists of "Best of all time" for a variety of reasons. In some cases, they may be heralded as awesome musicians, performers or singers to such a degree that their guitar-playing ability is simply overshadowed.

I beg, in advance, for forgiveness if I omit your favourite. A list of this nature is highly subjective. I have, as well, conducted my usual focus group of friends, nephews and mainstream music fans of all ages.

I ask that you take solace in the fact that all of the aforementioned "axe-grinders" and others like U2's "The Edge", The Who's Pete Townsend, and even Rolling Stone's Keith Richards do not require my accolades. The world is already familiar with their accomplishments in this regard.

This is a shout-out to the brothers and sisters that rock their Fenders and Gibsons off, and while well-known among peers and critics, are rarely on the lips of the general public for this aspect of their work.

10) Jeff Healey: This blind Canadian's unique style of playing the instrument flat on his lap was not only awesome to watch, but just amazing to hear. A local hero in Toronto, he originally started playing the pre-indy indy circuit around Queen Street West where, legend has it, he was seen by Stevie Ray Vaughan and Albert "Master of the Telecaster" Collins, which led to a record deal with Arista. Movie buffs will remember him from the Patrick Swayze classic, Road House. The rest of you mainstream fans will remember the song Angel Eyes, but he had a variety of good tunes throughout the 90s, and even covered The Beatles While My Guitar Gently Weeps with a guest appearance by none other than George Harrison himself.

9) Bonnie Raitt: This daughter of Broadway star John Raitt began playing guitar at an early age. Completely unknown in the 60s, this little white girl played at blues bars alongside Howlin' Wolf and Sippie Wallace. She became known to critics in the '70s, and worked with some of the greatest musicians of all time, but commercial success would elude her for a long time. It was Nick of Time, released in 1989 that became a hit and stole the Grammys in early 1990. I still remember the odd vibration when everyone in the neighbourhood said "Who?" at the exact same time. Next came a Grammy Award-winning duet with John Lee Hooker on his album The Healer. She followed up this success with three more Grammy Awards for her 1991 album, Luck of the Draw, but many of those commercial fans don't get that she is a bad-ass "Bottle-neck" or "Slide" guitar viruoso in a very unsuspecting package (She looks like my aunt Gert. If I had an Aunt Gert).

8) Ray Parker Jr.: (high pitched voice indicating surprise) "Ain't that the dude that sang Ghostbusters?" Yes it is. Ironically, his biggest hit seemed to be the last thing people remember, but he was working it for years before that. Few people know that he was a sideman in Barry White's renowned Love Unlimited Orchestra in the 70s. He also wrote songs and played guitar, bassand sometimes drums for Chaka Khan (Lemme rock ya, lemme rock ya, Chaka Khan!), Aretha, The Temptations, The Spinners, Boz Scaggs, David Foster, Gladys Knight and the Pips, Herbie Hancock, Diana Ross and the ultimate association...Stevie Wonder (Gasp!). He had hits of his own throughout the 80s, but his aptitude on the electric was unlike any others. He was the original funk-rocker, with hits like; The Other Woman, Bad Boy and the instrumental, For Those Who Like to Groove.

7) Nancy Wilson: Yes, the woman who now produces all the music for her husband Cameron Crowe's films was once a super-hot rock guitarist. Also, we Canadians love to take credit for this San Francisco born talent, but sorry folks. We'll just have to be content with Mike Reno (Loverboy) and every one of those Canadian Idol winners whose name no one remembers (Go ahead, name two). She lived in Vancouver, but only for a few years before going back home. If you are uncertain as to her prowess on the 6-string, just listen to the old stuff from the '70s classics like Barracuda, Crazy On You, and my wife's favourite, Magic Man. This sister can rock!

6) Joe Satriani: How can I say that he is underrated when he has made his living as a guitar player, and has been critically acclaimed for over 2 decades? Because no one I ask seems to know any of his music. This guy will blow your mind with what he can do. He works the fretboard like a woman with a spider in her hair (alright, it was me). This guy is a master because no matter how hard and fast he slices and grinds, you can always hear the melody underneath. The mark of a true musician. Listen to Surfing With The Alien or Crowd Chant. His biggest fans are other guitar players who listen and say "Oh no he di' int!".

5) John Frusciante: The Red Hot Chili Peppers' lead guitarist may not have Joe Satriani's magic fingers, but he has a unique funk-rock style that just slides in and out of the groove, providing the basis for their very succesful and ever-changing sound. The band's re-working of songs by Stevie Wonder and Sly & The Family Stone are indicative of his widely varied influences. Take note of songs like; Californication, If You Want Me To Stay, Scar Tissue and their classic ballad Under The Bridge. Ultimately, he's just a really groovy player in a very good band.

4) George "Lightnin' Licks" Johnson: The guitar half of the Brothers Johnson who enjoyed success with I'll Be Good To You, Strawberry Letter 23 and Get The Funk Out Ma Face (Oh, how the kids loved saying that one). Discovered by Qunicy Jones along with his brother, bass-player Louis "Thunder Thumbs"Johnson (I am not making this up), they were teenage prodigies in the mid '70s, but seem to have been relatively forgotten ever since. Their huge disco hit, Stomp served as an extended showcase of their skills containing a bass solo for Thunder Thumbs and then a 30-40 second example of why they call George "Lightnin' Licks". Rock and blues guitarists seem to get all the mention, but this guy was (and probably still is) the Fender funkmaster.

3) Robert Cray: This guy played behind aforementioned guitar great, Albert Collins for years and is also the guy playing bass at the frat party in the movie Animal House. Like others before him, his skills became known to his peers, but never quite hit the American radio listener. In the mid '80s all his hard work and critical acclaim won him a couple of Grammys, and some mainstream name recognition, but with the possible exception of the song, Smoking Gun, the average listener remained ignorant. Never the less, in the world of Blues, this man is a legend and has worked with all time greats like Eric Clapton and John Lee Hooker. He's so good that Fender makes two signature Robert Cray Stratocaster guitars. In addition to his instrumental skills, he also has a sweet soulful voice. Try listening to songs Don't Be Afraid of the Dark and The Forecast (Calls for Pain).

2) George Benson: He and Robert Cray are extremely similar in my mind. I rank him higher for his commercial success and somewhat more catchy style. Like Cray, he will sometimes play a super-fast riff, while mouthing the sounds his fingers are picking, which is no easy feat at that speed. He also has a voice so awesome, that he could have easily made a career out of just singing. Check out the "original" version of Whitney Houston's Greatest Love Of All or his definitive version of Leon Russel's This Masquerade. Also beware of dancier tunes like Love Ballad, Turn Your Love Around and Give Me The Night. Watch his fingers rock the Ibanez (guitar) on his instrumental hit, Breezin'. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QjTK0pL1go

1) Prince: An eccentric musical magician with a wide variety of talents, including James Brown dance moves and Stevie Wonder studio skills, he also rocks a guitar like few others. Just listen to Let's Go Crazy from the Purple Rain soundtrack to give you an idea. And then check out all of the songs that came afterward including the actual song entitled, Guitar. Why is he number 1? Because most of you didn't even consider him.

And to all the others that go unheard, I say "Play on, and your music will always find ears".

Classical Gas

I consider myself extremely liberal when it comes to music. I see myself as eclectic and inclusive. I appreciate everything including Classical, but for some reason, the thought of going to an opera conjures up visions of lighting myself on fire and running through a 3rd story glass window all the while shouting, "No mas. No mas!"

But I also know how music can be, and if someone can interest you in just a small aspect of a genre, you can ultimately find yourself immersed in a world you never knew existed.

So I have never written anything about classical or opera for fear that my lack of knowledge would do irreparable damage to a potential fan.

Fortunately for me, my friend Karen Lin at Zoomer Media, home of Classical 96.3 FM has hit the blogosphere with her own freaky little attempt to convince a world of music listeners to give the classics a try. I don't know if it will work, but her most recent post had me amused, and oddly uncomfortable.

In order to help you, my gracious readers understand, I am going to do something terribly unconventional in blogger world. I am going to refer you to another blog.

Trust me. You will thank me not only for helping you open up new horizons, but for sharing a very interesting and humorous little read.

http://www.karenokelive.com/2009/11/balls-of-fury.html

It's a gas... Classical Gas. Get it? Ha ha...okay, just click the link.

October Sounds

As I have mentioned before, October seems to be a very potent month in the music industry, whether it is due to the proximity of the upcoming holiday season or the growing distance from the feel-good summer season. Either way, a lot happens in October.

I have, of course taken the liberty to list some of the more momentous milestones in music history for your pleasure.

1955 - Harry Belafonte records "The Banana Boat Song". Several takes are required. It takes him all day-o (me say day, me say day, me say day-ay-ay-o).

1960 - Billboard reported that Dion and the Belmonts were breaking up.
One would think they would embrace each other firmly after collectively passing up a big tour in February of 1959 with Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and the Big Bopper. As many of you already know, these three artists were killed in a plane crash during that tour. The band, instead said goodbye to Dion and his heroin addiction, but they simply fizzled, while Dion went on to great commercial success, which makes him a terrible example for the kids. When asked for comment, Dion said, "Ha Ha Ha Losers!".

1962 - The Beatles first appeared on Great Britain's Granada TV Network, and set the music scene on fire. Luckily Yoko was not around yet to put it out.

1964 - "She's Not There," by the Zombies, was released, and sold out in many record stores creating hilarious banter with music clerks who when asked for She's Not There, would reply by saying, "It's Not Here".

1967 - The musical "Hair" premiered at New York's Public Theatre. The show ran for 1,758 performances but had to end when several of their male actors eventually went bald.

1968 - Jose Feliciano released his controversial, bluesy rendition of The Star Spangled Banner. It was controversial because Americans were still patriotically anal retentive, and the fact that someone used artistic licence on a departure of this nature pissed off the residual McCarthy-types. 10 months later, Jimi Hendrix played his version and parents all over America lost their minds, and said things like "Bring back that little blind Mexican boy". For the record, Jose Feliciano is Puerto Rican.

1968 - Rita Marley gives birth to Bob's first son on October 17th. They name him "Ziggy" after the rolling papers used on the night of conception.

1969 - "Led Zeppelin II" was released along with the start of Led Zeppelin's third U.S. tour. Teenagers everywhere spent their haircut money on mind-altering substances and that special shampoo you need when you get crabs.

1970 - Eric Clapton released After Midnight. The only cool tidbit I can add here is that Clapton was born the son of 17-year-old Patricia Molly Clapton and Edward Walter Fryer, a 25-year-old soldier from Montreal, Quebec. My hometown (which somehow implies that all Montrealers share in his success). Fryer headed off to war prior to Clapton's birth and then returned to Canada. Clapton grew up with his grandmother, Rose, and her second husband Jack, and believed they were his parents and that his mother was actually his older sister (and you thought your family was messed up). Years later, his mother/sister married another Canadian soldier (because Canadian soldiers are super hard-to-resist), moved to Canada and left young Eric with his grandparents in Surrey. Her parenting skills were the inspiration behind shows like Ricki Lake and Jerry Springer.

1974 - Eric Burdon of The Animals names his newborn daughter "Mirage" (because he was stoned through the entire pregnancy). Then, during a rare moment of sobriety, changes it to "Alex".

1975 - Barry Manilow's glasses are broken by a crowd of fans as he rushes to his limo after a concert in Chicago, proving once again that his fans are nuts. Not the average passive fans. Just the ones that refuse to go home once the concert is over. It's over. Go home!

1977 - Street Survivors was released by Lynyrd Skynyrd. The celebration was cut short three days later when the infamous plane crash claimed the lives of vocalist Ronnie Van Zant, guitarist Steve Gaines, Cassie Gaines (Steve's sister) and manager Dean Kilpatrick. The other four members of the band were seriously injured but amazingly survived.

1978 - The now classic movie version of "The Wiz" debuts in New York. Michael Jackson invites all his friends to a huge wrap party at Chuck E.Cheese.

1979 - "Tusk," the two record set by Fleetwood Mac, was released by Warner Brothers Records.

1986 - The film biography "Sid And Nancy" opened nationally, and despite it's critical acclaim, I have met less than a dozen people who remember having seen it.

1995 - In London, Sting's former financial adviser was sentenced to six years in prison after being convicted of stealing $9.4 million from the musician. Had he married Yoko Ono, this never would have happened.

1995 - Rhino Home Video released 58 episodes of The Monkees on 21 cassettes. It was the largest video boxed set to be released. The next day, DVDs officially became the accepted video format.

1997 - Warren G filed a lawsuit against Garth Brooks, his company Blue Rose Inc., and Home Box Office Inc. The suit alleged that Brooks had infringed on the trademarked circled "g" logo. I mean, let's be honest. Could two people in this world have come up with the same ingenious idea to circle the letter G? Shame on you, Garth Brooks. You're just jealous of the creative talent and success of Warren G!

1998 - The Wilkinsons made their first official appearance on the Grand Ole Opry. All 4 white people watching said they were awesome.

2001 - Jay-Z was sentenced to three years probation after pleading guilty to misdemeanor assault charges for stabbing a record producer during a fight in a nightclub on December 1, 1999, prompting OJ Simpson to call him a "sucker-bitch", and shake his head as if to say "What's this world coming to when you can't stab a record producer in the privacy of a nightclub?".

2007 - Phil Spector's first murder trial for the 2003 shooting of actress Lana Clarkson ends in a hung jury. He is later found guilty when the jury foreman stands up and says, "Just look at his hair. Of course he's guilty!"
OJ has "Sucker-bitch" cards printed at Kinko's.

I think we can all see that the moral of the story is, just shut up and listen to the music.

The elements

I dedicate this post to Dr. Jack Murciano, a DJ and roller boogie-er from back in the day who turns 50 this week, and to his sister Sally whose baking the cake.

The recurring resurgence of disco has fortified it's place in music history, and with it, those musicians and bands who have contributed most prolifically.

Anyone who was hitting the discos back in the 70s will remember the likes of Sylvester, Lime, Carol Douglas, The Trammps, Jimmy "Bo" Horne, Musique, The Sylvers, Hot Chocolate, Harold Melvin and The Bluenotes and even my Montreal homies Gino Soccio and Patsy Gallant. (Incidentally, these are great names for your kids. Patsy? You just don't hear that anymore. I considered a name from this list, but my wife thought that naming a child "Hot Chocolate" might be a problem at school.)

So, while these artists may have supplied the clubs with some funky beats, memories of them tend to fade as we move further from that era. This list could easily be in the hundreds, so feel free to chime in with your own personal faves.
Instead, I have chosen to focus on the the most historically enduring artists of the time. Some may seem campy or kitschy to us now, but anyone who has ever been to a party where the DJ plays YMCA, I Will Survive, or It's Raining Men knows just how much some people dig that stuff.
The names on my list are names with longevity. Names that grace Music's Hall of Fame. Is it a result of better quality? Possibly. It may be a combination of group chemistry, good management, P.R. or just pure talent. Mine is not to question why. I am just here to report the news, folks. My news. My way. I am not paid enough to pander.

Here is my list. It's all very scientific, so stay with me.

10.Tied for tenth place are 3 groups: (Like I said, MY way.)Sister Sledge, Tavares and Chic. All great disco groups that had multiple albeit relatively short-lived successes.Sister Sledge gave us We Are Family and their funkier follow-up hit He's The Greatest Dancer, which for you under 30 folks, is the song Will Smith "borrowed" to achieve his biggest hit, Gettin' Jiggy With It (Thank goodness that phrase was introduced into our vocabulary).
Tavares had the definitive version of More Than A Woman from the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack, but are more known to disco enthusiasts for Heaven Must Be Missing An Angel. These guys had funky rhythms, fresh dance moves and outfits that would literally trigger your gag reflex. Freshly pimped in bedazzled fluorescent, tight-fitting, bell-bottom jumpsuits with glitter, and wedged-heels with a goldfish inside (usually floating).
Chic is arguably the most succesful of this group. They had a hit with Dance, Dance, Dance, it's clever follow up, Everybody Dance (just in case their previous message was unclear), and then hit gold twice in a row with the mother of all disco tunes, Le Freak and it's successor, Good Times. Now, I hear one of the guys owns a car wash (no pun intended)*.
*Car Wash was a hit for Rose Royce. Not Chic.

9. The Commodores. Here was Lionel Richie at his funkiest before he became the Black Barry Manilow (Oh no he di'nt!). These guys burned up dancefloors everywhere with songs like; Brick House, Too Hot Ta Trot and Slippery When Wet (Hmmm...are those metaphors?). Machine Gun was a cool instrumental jazz-funk foray that showed they were a musical group first, and a singing group second, unlike their Motown predecessors; the Temptations, Miracles and the Four Tops. Throw in Mid-tempo soul grooves like; Just To Be Close To You, and Sweet Love before knocking one massive ballad after another out of the park like; Easy, Three Times a Lady, Sail On and Still, and somebody's got themselves a Cadillac! It was all Lionel Richie after that. Surrounded by his personal gang of music pimps, he was lured away, never to return. The Commodores had one last hit years later with the song Nightshift, written for the late Marvin Gaye and Jackie Wilson, but were ultimately relegated to the purgatory of pop; Venues like the Golden Nugget and CasinoRama for the remainder of their careers, or until one of them freaks out and punches some old lady for her bucket of nickels.

8. James Brown. Of course he would be higher up if this were another genre. He never considered himself a "disco" artist per se, but he did provide the clubs with some funky grooves in the 70s. Sex Machine, Get Up Offa That Thing, and Doin' It To Death were among just a few of the gifts he gave the DJs of his time. (Plus he had awesome hair)

7. Barry Manilow. What? You thought I would leave him out just because he's got some nutty fans? He's the first caucasian on my list. Not really a disco act, but in addition to his ballads, he contributed some great dance tunes for the time in Who’s Been Sleeping In My Bed, New York City Rhythm and the Big Kahuna of the disco scene, Copacabana. I don't care that he doesn't like the term "Fanilow" or "Manilover". Just play "Copa" and everybody including my aunt Rivka hits the dance floor. That's got to mean something.

6. KC and The Sunshine Band. Everyone knows their hits; That's the Way (I Like It), or as my father used to call it, "Uh-huh, Uh-huh" (No matter what I said, I couldn't stop him from walking up to DJs with his Spanish accent, and asking them if they could play "Uh-huh, Uh-huh" while providing a subtle visual of two hands pumping into a pelvic thrust. Uber-embarrassing.), Shake Your Booty, I'm Your Boogie Man, Keep It Comin' Love, Get Down Tonight and just to show they could do a ballad, Please Don't Go. People don't realize that they were a group of talented studio musicians from TK Records in Florida, (hence the name "Sunshine" Band). The band consisted of keyboardist Rusty Hamilton III (There were two Rusty Hamiltons before him?), Jerome Smith on guitar, David Simmons on Drums, and an outstanding horns section. Also, they always performed with dancers on stage. Dancers who didn't sing, or play tambourine, or even ring a cowbell. They just danced. I believe they had something there. (Of course this really only works for bands. Do not try to introduce this idea if you are a litigator, surgeon or undertaker. Then it's just tacky. It might be cool if you're a Lifeguard.)

5. Village People. These guys were so popular for a while that they even made a movie. A preposterously bad movie that I actually paid to see (Hey, I was 12 @#*%^&* years old, okay?). The more amazing thing is that these guys are still performing all over the world to good crowds and their songs are still played constantly at weddings and circumcisions. I won't list them. You all know them and you've heard them enough.

4. The Jacksons. This includes Michael's Off The Wall album, but does not discount the brilliant dance music they put out as a group. In the 70s, these guys could do no wrong. Just listen to Dancing Machine (Which allowed Michael to first showcase his "Robot" moves), Shake Your Body (Down to the Ground), Blame It On The Boogie, Enjoy Yourself and Can You Feel It. Also, it might surprise you to know that they changed their name from the Jackson 5 to the Jacksons, not because they added little brother Randy and were no longer 5, but because they left Motown (who owned the name) for CBS records. Also, they were still 5 because Randy actually replaced Jermaine who refused to leave Motown and father-in-law Berry Gordy. A nice loyal family gesture. Hey Jermaine, you know what would also be a nice family-type gesture? NOT SLEEPING WITH OTHER WOMEN! Just a thought.

3.Donna Summer. From those first sweet sounds of masturbation on the 12" extended version of Love To Love You Baby, all the teenage boys were hooked. The "Queen of Disco" had it all going on at the time. She even managed to generate another hit out of Richard Harris' Macarthur Park. Do you have any idea the kind of charisma required to create relevance out of lyrics like "Someone left a cake out in the rain. I don't think that I could take it, cause it took so long to bake it, and I'll never have that recipe again"? Oh, the angst! I digress. Her performance of Last Dance in the now cult-classic film Thank God It's Friday stole the show, and it was one smash hit after another from there. Bad Girls, Hot Stuff, and her duet with Barbara Streisand (back when young, straight people still listened to Barbara), Enough is Enough. My personal, lesser played favourite was Heaven Knows which my sister played endlessly on 45 until my puberty was temporarily halted by a drop in testosterone.

2. Bee Gees. Practically synonymous with disco, the Bee Gees were making hits for a decade before Saturday Night Fever. Dennis Miller once described Barry Gibb as his personal vision of God, with the beard and long flowing hair on the cover of Spirits Having Flown, where his outreaching hand emphasizes the flared sleeve of his white satin shirt. Sure, it sounds gay (and it is) but really just emphasizes the magnitude of their popularity. To this day when a good-looking guy (other than myself) struts down the street, I hear Stayin' Alive. No retro disco party ends without Night Fever, Jive Talking, or You Should Be Dancing, but their female fans will remember ballads like How Deep Is Your Love and Too Much Heaven. If we throw late baby brother Andy into the mix, and his hits You're My Everything, Shadow Dancing, Love Is (Thicker Than Water) and slow jam, Don't Throw It All Away, they absolutely owned the decade.

1. There is a huge tie at number 1 because many of the aforementioned are simply too close to call.A) Kool & The Gang. A Jazz/Funk fusion band in their early days, they graced the airwaves with now classics, Funky Stuff, Jungle Boogie, Hollywood Swingin', and from Saturday Night Fever, Open Sesame. But it was not until they met future lead singer James (JT) Taylor that they took off. The very next album launched title track, Ladies Night and follow-up hit Too Hot, but the heaven's opened up when they sat down together and wrote the song, Celebration. I am told that once recorded, someone said, "Do you realize what we have just done? This song will be played at every wedding, graduation, bar-mitzvah, Sweet Sixteen, orgy, and Al-Qaeda post-bombing after-party for the rest of time!" I am paraphrasing, of course. B) Earth, Wind & Fire: This is perhaps the most underrated group of all time, and that's saying a lot for a group that is so highly regarded. I say "underrated" because the average fan has no clue how awesome they really were, how many fantastic songs they wrote, and how spectacular the musicianship and vocal arrangement was. The main players were Philip Bailey (Yes, the guy that sang Easy Lover with Phil Collins) and Maurice White, with his brother Verdine, one of the best bass players ever (and another awesome first name for the baby book). EWF were a concerted group effort, but those in the know will attribute the lion's share of success to Maurice (aka Reese). Few people know that as a teenager, Reese moved to Chicago and worked as a session drummer for Chess Records. It's actually him playing for artists such as Etta James, Muddy Waters, The Impressions (with Curtis Mayfield) and Buddy Guy. He also played drums on Fontella Bass' hit song, Rescue Me.

In 1969 Maurice and friends were writing jingles when they got a contract with Capitol Records, and called themselves The Salty Peppers, which eventually moved to L.A. and became Earth, Wind & Fire (Thank goodness. I would hate to be writing this about the @#$*%&*"@# Salty Peppers). Their list of great songs are endless. Anyone who has ever owned an antenna knows Shining Star and September. If anyone didn't already know Boogie Wonderland, the animated Warner Brothers film, Happy Feet made sure a whole new generation was enlightened. There are super soulful feel-good tunes like SingaSong, Fantasy and If You Fall In Love, but don't sleep on their ballads. Reasons, Love's Holiday, After The Love is Gone and I'll Write a Song For you are just a few examples of the work of one of the greatest groups of all time.

I leave you with the words of Barry White, who was omitted from this list only because his music was in a category of it's own.

"We're gonna laugh and dance half the night awayWe're gonna scream and shout while the music playsThen around about two, tell you what I'm gonna doGirl I'm gonna take you home and stick plenty love to youLet's get it on all night long."
See what I mean?

John Lennon Week

I began the day by investigating this week in music history. I found that the second week of October has traditionally proven to be somewhat eventful, but for no one more than the family of the late John Lennon.


The second week of October for John Lennon seems to be a time of great milestones.
Sadly, the whole "being dead" thing makes it hard to blow out your birthday candles, and with the exception of Weekend at Bernie's, usually makes for a crappy party.


Regardless, here are some interesting events from the Lennon-Ono family scrapbook:


1) John Lennon was born on October 9th, 1940 (his "birthday")

2) The first Beatles single, "Love Me Do/P.S. I Love You" was released in England, this week in 1962.

3) The Beatles begin recording "Eight Days A Week" in less than eight days this week in 1964. The song becomes just another in a long-line of early successes, securing their place among the elite rockstars of their day.

4) John Lennon first met Yoko Ono at a London art gallery exhibition this week in 1966.
Luckily, she pointed out that even though he thought he was happy, he truly wasn't. As a matter of fact, until John met Yoko, he was oblivious to the fact that the band members had been plotting all along to usurp and ride the coattails of his creative properties. Like a bad case of mold, the doubt and distrust would eventually erode the fabric of camaraderie that held together the world's favourite band! Damn you Yoko! Damn you!!! (Alright, she was probably not the ONLY reason they broke up.)

5) Prodigal son, Sean Lennon is born to John and Yoko on John's birthday (October 9th) in 1975. Happy birthday, John. Hey, was your first son Julian invited to the party? No, that's right. Yoko brought to your attention his secret desire to ride your coattails (You just can't trust those 11 year-old sons).

6) Yoko Ono dedicated the "John Lennon Peace Tower" in Reykjavik Harbor, Iceland in 2007. At the ceremony, they show a lovely video montage played to John's signature tune, Imagine. They are later sued by Yoko for playing the song without permission.
(That statement is completely false, but entirely possible.)


In Yoko's defense, her motives over time, have been proven completely altruistic. After John's death, she refused to accept any of his inheritance, choosing instead to live solely off of the proceeds from her own music. (Insert hysterical laughter here, complete with squealing and snorting. Congratulations. You have just produced a Yoko Ono song.)

Well, that was fun, but here are a few other things that happened on this week in music history:

Steve Miller (The Joker) was born on October 5th in 1943.
Little known fact: Steve Miller was once a bandmate of another famous singer/songwriter by the name of Boz Scaggs. (Hey, I didn't say it was interesting. Just that it was "little known")

Jerry Lee Lewis records Great Balls Of Fire this week in 1957. Shortly thereafter, he gave way to righteous indignation when the media questioned him about his surprise elopement to his 13 year old cousin. His response was "Hey, I plays this here piana real good! Don't that give me the right to @*#*$% my 13 year old cousin without her parent's consent?" (That statement is completely false, but entirely possible.)

Neil Sedaka records Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen in 1961 prompting a young Barry Manilow to say, "That's what I want to be when I grow up".

Musician and part-time wifebeater, Jackson Browne is also born on John Lennon's birthday in 1948. So was the late John Entwistle of the Who in 1944. Yoko did not let John attend their birthday parties.

Robert "Kool" Bell, the man who put the "Kool" in Kool & the Gang was born on October 8th in 1950. (Celebrate good times come on)

ABBA members Benny and Anni-Frid got married this week in 1978. It would last three years, which is approximately how much of my life has been spent futilely trying to avoid listening to the song Dancing Queen.

Mick Jagger responds to what some say are racist lyrics in the Rolling Stones' Some Girls album this week in 1978. He apologizes and blames it on his collaboration with some Jew.

Al Martino ("Spanish Eyes") was born on October 7th in 1927. (This one's for my mother)Classmates Jesus and Alexander the Great said of Martino, "That cat sure can sing!"

Mama Cass Elliot of the Mamas & the Papas was strip-searched and jailed in London over an unpaid hotel bill this week in 1967. The officer who performed the search was never found.

Mama Cass Elliot collapses on the opening night of her solo Caesar's Palace engagement in Las Vegas in 1968. One of the roadies was never found.

Chuck Berry is given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame this week in 1987.

What a week.

"I decline to accept the end of man. It is easy enough to say that man is immortal simply because he will endure: That when the last dingdong of doom has clanged and faded from the last worthless rock hanging tideless in the last red and dying evening, that even then there will still be one more sound: that of his puny inexhaustible voice, still talking. I refuse to accept this. I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. He is immortal, not because he alone among creatures has an inexhaustible voice, but because he has a soul, a spirit capable of compassion and sacrifice and endurance. The poet's, the writer's, duty is to write about these things. It is his privilege to help man endure by lifting his heart, by reminding him of the courage and honor and hope and pride and compassion and pity and sacrifice which have been the glory of his past. The poet's voice need not merely be the record of man, it can be one of the props, the pillars to help him endure and prevail." -William Faulkner, speech at the Nobel Banquet at the City Hall in Stockholm, December 10, 1950.

So Obama was given the coveted "Nobel Peace Prize" and I write about John Lennon and Barry Manilow. Why'd I even show up to work today?

Well, I think we all had the same reaction to the news. No one was outraged like when Steve Nash won NBA MVP for the second time. Not much news about who got robbed, or how Ahmadinejad had a better video.

Everyone just seemed to ask "What for?".

What harmonious feat in the peace-perpetuating community did he accomplish? What countries in this world are currently more serene for having somehow been touched by President Obama?

Well, the answer dear friends, is truly "blowing in the wind". You see, perhaps it's not what he did, but rather what he didn't do. Not so much what he stands for, but what he stands against. (Alright, now I even forgot what I was talking about)

Perhaps the fact that he hasn't made anything worse, by default just makes him better than every other eligible candidate on the planet.

So I did some research that may help shed some light on this for all of you who like me, every other year at this time, pretty much don't care.

The prize was bequeathed by Alfred Nobel who was a famous scientist who invented...wait for it..... DYNAMITE! Hmmm....explosive news, huh?
Yes, the Peace Prize offered by the guy who invented something that blows stuff up. Awesome!

Back in the day, he was known as "Le Marchand De La Mort", the Merchant of Death (it really sounds so much more romantic in French though.)

In an attempt to leave the world a better legacy, he created the Nobel prizes.

According to his will, the "Peace" prize should be awarded "to the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses." His will stated that the prize should be awarded by a committee of five people elected by the Norwegian Parliament.

Well that explains it. Every time I turn around those @*#$*%!* Norwegians are screwing it up for everyone. With their cheese and their...wood, and their...accords...and stuff.

Norway and Sweden were in union at that time (1890s), and Sweden was responsible for all foreign policy. Nobel thought there might be less political corruption if it were awarded by Norway than Sweden.

The Prize is presented every year in Oslo, in the presence of the king, where the Chairman of the Norwegian Nobel Committee presents to the "Nobel Laureate" who receives a diploma (that's a definite framer), a medal (if you open the first couple of buttons on your shirt, you can wear it to the club and hear all the ladies say "Oooh, is that the Nobel Peace Prize? Sexxxy!"), not to mention a fair bit o' cash (Roughly $1.5 million U.S.).

Here's the impressive part where the music guy answers the question,
"What does any of this have to do with music?".

Well, in the words of the late great James Brown, "Watch me now?":

The Nobel Peace Prize Ceremony is held at the Oslo City Hall, followed the next day by the Nobel Peace Prize Concert, which is broadcast to more than 450 million households in over 150 countries around the world (So sayeth Wikipedia). The concert is always a huge event with massive stars (I didn't go last time because of a mix-up on the guest list but that was probably just a mistake).

This year's concert is being hosted by Hollywood super-couple Will and Jada Pinkett Smith.

Some of the artists you can expect to see are:


Wyclef Jean sans Fugees (Oh Lauryn, where you at, girlfriend?)

Toby Keith (Oops, Wyclef's audience all go to the washroom at the same time)

Donna Summer (Wyclef's audience comes back, but they bring their parents)

Luis Fonsi (Oye, donde esta Menudo? You're welcome. Now you know more about him than anyone in the room.)

Amadou & Mariam (These two are actually awesome, plus they're blind and I've got my hands full pissing off Manilow fans).

So what have we learned here, people?

That it really doesn't matter who wins or who loses, so long as someone throws a kick-ass party right afterwards! I hope Obama still knows how to get down.

Happy thanksgiving everybody!

Tattoo You

As a fan of both Hip-Hop and NBA basketball, something I read recently struck me as amusing.

One of many similarities between NBA and Hip-hop culture is the trend of interesting body art. It was not long ago that it was rare to see basketball players with tattoos at all, let alone intricate designs reflecting personal philosophies, religious views or proclamations of a particular spiritual ideology. Now that we live in a world where every available surface seems to be an advertising opportunity, it seems fitting that toned bodies that are pleasing to the eye be utilized as a canvas for such profound messagerie.

It calls to mind a friend of my brothers who tattooed an intriguing ancient Chinese symbol on her back shoulder blade. Lovely a shoulder blade as it was, I was more fascinated with what this lovely specimen of femininity felt she wanted her back-viewing public to know about her. So I asked her what significance this curious symbol had to her. Her reply was, "Oh, I don't know. I just thought it would look really cool on my shoulder blade."

When I was done repeatedly banging my forehead against the back of a chair, I proceeded to speak to (I think I was lecturing) why anyone would permanently adorn themselves with a message that not only had no personal significance, but that could very well say something ugly or demeaning about them (as if the action itself hadn't already done that).

While this may surprise people, I now have information that will show that even athletes (who are supposed to be intellectually superior due to the 1 mandatory year of college) and rap artists who at the very least have to be literate (hey, you can't just memorize lyrics. You have to write them down) have been known to perform this very same blunder.

Shawn Marion's leg.

For example, former interim Toronto Raptor, Shawn Marion, a.k.a. Matrix, thought he had ink that said that very thing in Japanese. He recently discovered that it may have been more of a loose translation as instead of Matrix, his tattoo translates to "Demon bird moth balls"?!

I think a Manilow fan called me that once.
Britney Spears tattooed 3 Hebrew letters that seem to form a word on the back of her neck. It's apparently something from the Kabballah that means "healing", but it actually means nothing...nothing at all.

Oh well, I guess complete gibberish is better than "Evil spirit Cocker Spaniel".

Chris Anderson of the Denver Nuggets thought he tattooed the words "good" and "bad" on each of his shoulders (because that would have been super-clever), but apparently the word "bad" in Chinese is awfully close to their word for "Nausea". Guess which one he got.

Ladies and gentlemen, you can erase mistakes, you can tear pages out of books and hell, I just deleted a series of expletives regarding some of these geniuses but when you embed an inked image into your skin permanently, I think you owe it to yourself to do a little more research.

Better yet, here's an idea:

Stick to a language you actually understand. If that's asking too much because you have trouble with stuff like, oh I don't know...reading, but really feel you must have a certain portion of your body covered in ink, maybe try a picture.

Hey, it's your choice, but imagine meeting say, a Swedish woman who has a tattoo in English that she believes to say "Foxy Lady" but what it really says is "I have ambiguous sex organs". Would it have the same impact? My guess is that it may not come off as cool. Especially years from now when the grandchildren bring their friends over.

Body art can be sexy, but in the words of the artist once known as the artist formerly known as Prince, "forever is a mighty long time".

Peace out y'all.

The 80s were huge!

20 years ago, we were celebrating the last summer of 80s, while ushering in the final decade of our favourite century. It was big. As were our pants, shoulder pads, Doc Martens and even moreso, our hair.

Musical tastes (What? Did you think I was going to talk about fashion?) were more widely varied than at any other time in history.

"Alternative" music had ironically become mainstream making way for "Grunge" which was another way of saying "We're more progressive than alternative...and we shave and shower less to prove it."

"House" music brought an evolved form of Disco back from the underground to which it had reverted at the beginning of the decade. The Bee Gees and Village People were released from prison (figuratively speaking) and allowed to resume touring, only this time as something of a novelty act. That is, until everyone realized that they all enjoyed the same guilty pleasure, and stopped being ashamed of it. Their songs have now all been re-mixed a hundred times over so that we never have to go without a modern version of In The Navy for as long as we live. Phew!

"New Wave" brought all the weirdos out of their basements. This fusion of punk and electronic dance music bore some unique and catchy sounds, not to mention some of the craziest hairstyles ever. Seriously, what kind of advice could that Flock of Seagulls dude provide his kids and grandkids, that they will listen to. "Why, when I was youre age...." ....you looked like a monstrous dweeb. Groups like the Pet Shop Boys, New Order and the Cure were the defining sound of the 80s, but the list is endless and includes Modern English, Squeeze, Madness and would go so far as to include Bowie and The Police.

"Rap" music enjoyed it's adolescent heyday in the late 80s, with now classic acts as Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, Kool Moe Dee, Big Daddy Kane, and the kings...Run DMC. where would showbiz be today without 80s rappers Ice T, Ice Cube, LL Cool J, Beastie Boys and his royal higness, the "Fresh Prince", Will Smith?

The Jacksons deserve their own category for no other reason than Michael and Janet's successes. Sure, Latoya entertained us in small intervals, while Jermaine and the rest of the brothers took turns being arrested for various forms of domestic violence, but that was really just their cute way of saying, "Look at me. I used to be famous."

Sorry guys. O.J. one-upped you.

"Punk" was rockin' by now. Billy Idol had opened the average listeners ears to what had already been great in The Sex Pistols, The Ramones and Iggy Pop. I remember frequenting the Thunderdome in Montreal for the ritual "Monday Night Jello Fights" and enjoying a good beat-down in the mosh pit (I think this is where Fight Clubs were started). The music was great, but alas, the lifestyle was not for me as I really didn't have the right hair, was clumsy with studded bracelets, and found that black lipstick over-emphasized my facial flaws.

"Rock" had become a nothing term as if you were a rock group, you were probably in one of the categories above, except for guys like John Cougar Mellencamp, whose career nosedived because no one ever knew which name to look for at the record store.

In 1989, the Pop charts were dominated acts such as; Michael and Janet Jackson, George Michael, Madonna, Sting, Bon-Jovi, U2, Annie Lennox, the hard-rockin' Guns N' Roses, the once-punk B-52s, and the soon to be pathetic Bobby Brown.

So, from the beginning of the last decade to the end of the first, what has changed?

"Indie" rock is essentially the new "Alternative", but it's really all the same. Young rockers saying they want to change the world, convince you they're not posers or sell-outs, but who eventually turn into some version of Avril Lavigne, unless no one likes their music, in which case, they stick proudly by their principles until the day the bandmembers end up slandering and killing each other (and not always in that order).

Rappers are becoming movie stars at an alarming rate.

We can pronounce the name "Prince" again.

No one still thinks that Bobby Brown has "potential".

Ice Cube isn't all that "Bad-ass". Whitney ain't so cute.

Neil Young still has no idea how old he is, and neither do his fans, as his concerts still rock hard. That said, the audience are now on much harder drugs to prevent, heart-attacks, strokes, Alzheimer's and they still dance, but all the while mindful not to break a hip.

INXS found a lead singer who prefers to breathe while he masturbates. (What? I'm just saying...)

Janet is the only Jackson left with any chance of a hit, but since her famous "Wardrobe malfunction", she has lost the title of "the only normal Jackson". The world has given up that search.

You can't say it hasn't been a blast.

No Need To Wonder

All this talk of Michael Jackson and his importance in the world of music may have given some the impression that he is the greatest artist that ever lived.

Not so folks.

As talented as he was, the greatest artist in music history is not he. That honour belongs to one man only. The gentleman originally known as the boy wonder, and now recognized the world over by just one name:

Stevie!

That's right. Stevie Wonder is the most outrageously talented musician of the last century, with no exception. The trouble is that people say this for different reasons and I would like to set the record straight.

For years, Stevie wrote songs that made us move, that told us stories, that made us feel, and he did it with a voice that was not overly perfect, but as sublimely real as anyone ever.

However, it seems that fellow artists, musicians and true music enthusiasts have delved further into his repertoire than the average Person.

I only say this because everytime the topic of Stevie Wonder comes up in conversation, some young white woman pulls an "I Just Called to say I Love you" out of their butt! Hey, I'm not saying you can't LIKE the song! Heck, if I had written it, I'd still be talking about it. But to define the man, his music, or career by that song, is a back-handed bitch-slap to him, and every artist he has influenced, and that is one looong list.

Of course, nobody's worried about Stevie getting his due. He gets plenty, but it should not have anything to do with the condition of his eyesight, or the fact that a couple of his catchiest tunes have been so commercialized.

This is not a tribute to Stevie Wonder per se. It is a plea to music lovers who have not explored his music, to do themselves a favour and listen to at least a portion of a staggering body of work while he is still alive.

You've heard every Michael Jackson song ever recorded, over the last two weeks, and Ray Charles exploded posthumously due to a hit movie and a 'Duets' album, but Stevie will leave a larger footprint than Ray, Michael and Elvis put together!

From a young age, Stevie was recognized by the greatest minds in music, and given more freedom than most artists. His thirst for every facet of sound brought him greater strength with each endeavour, and by age 15, he had written and recorded countless hits on which he played various instruments including, Keyboard, drums, Harmonica, Bass, and every percussive instrument known to man, and even discovered a few new ones. He also sang not only lead vocals, but his own back-up vocals as well, sometimes performing each part of a five part harmony all by himself. A good example is the song They Won't Go When I Go which was later covered by George Michael (Remember him?)

Sometimes he would even synthesize his own voice to mesh with his own, creating the illusion of a duet like on You Are The Sunshine Of My Life (Oh, you thought that was a woman?)or Ordinary Pain where he sounds like a little boy.

In addition to many of those unique gifts, so raw and sincere were his lyrics that he would humble even the greatest musicians.

One example is Eric Clapton in the mid '70s while riding a huge wave of admiration among rock fans who proclaimed freely that "Eric Clapton is God!" He once told Rolling Stone Magazine that when he felt his ego getting out of control, he would put on a Stevie record, and come right back down.

For 30 years, Stevie prolifically produced more timeless classics than anyone. Songs that hold up in all situations, and all times.

If you've ever wondered (no pun intended) why Stevie has that perpetual bump on his head, it is because in 1973, a log fell from a truck, went through the windshield of his car (no, he wasn't driving.) and hit him right in the head. He ended up in a coma for four days and lost most of his sense of smell, and also left him temporarily without a sense of taste, a particularly tough pill to swallow for someone already born without sight.

After returning to much fanfare in 1974, Stevie set out to begin his biggest project. An album that would take 2 years and a couple of million dollars to complete (a huge sum at the time).

This album would cause Berry Gordy so much grief that he had almost begun to lose faith in his most solid commodity.

Almost.

Stevie's double album, which also included an additional extended play 45, finally went on sale in September 1976.

Songs In The Key of Life became the first American album to hit #1 on its first day.

There it remained for 14 non-consecutive weeks. To this day, the album ranks 56th on Rolling Stone Magazine's 500 Greatest Albums of All Time, behind his own Innervisions at #23. In my estimation, 'Songs' is still grossly under-ranked.

Those two albums, in conjunction with Fulfillingness First Finale are referred to as Mr. Wonder's "classic period". Rolling Stone Magazine said, of this period, that Stevie "pioneered stylistic approaches that helped to determine the shape of pop music for the next decade".

In 2005, music mogul Kanye West said, "I'm not trying to compete with what's out there now. I'm really trying to compete with Innervisions and Songs in the Key of Life. It sounds musically blasphemous to say something like that, but why not set that as your bar?"

Why not indeed!

If you fancy yourself a music lover, and have never explored any of these classic albums, consider yourself informed.

Non-commercial songs like Love's In Need of Love, Too Shy To Say, You Haven't Done Nothing, Lately, and All Is Fair In Love have been covered by artists such as Jodeci, Marc Anthony, Stevie Ray Vaughan and Mary J. Blige.

His music is consistently sampled by rappers like 50 Cent in the song "Ryder Music". Warren G sampled "Village Ghetto Land" for his song "Ghetto Village." "Pastime Paradise" was re-worked only slightly for Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise" while Will Smith used "I Wish" as the basis for the theme song to his movie, Wild Wild West. In 1999, Salome De Bahia made a Brazilian version of "Another Star". Tupac Shakur sampled "That Girl" for his hit song "So Many Tears" and Red Hot Chili Peppers covered "Higher Ground" in 1989 on their "Mother's Milk" album.

Many more songs by Stevie Wonder have also been sampled or re-made. Wonder is one of the most sampled artists/singers ever.

So if Stevie inspires the artists you listen to in order to create the songs you love, shouldn't you give the original a chance?

It's high time for the youth of the world to hear the real deal.

Often imitated, but never duplicated......the one and only,

Stevie Wonder.

Who's the King?

Michael Jackson's death has given the media's greatest vultures a whole new meal plan. The frenzy that will ensue over the next year is going to make Princess Di's death look like my mother's uncle Sam's (Sadly, uncle Sam went out without much fanfare).

I, for one, am neither interested nor impressed by any of these posthumous scandals; the discovery of countless "Last" Wills and Testaments, the genetic evidence of Patrimony, or unsolved allegations of impropriety, but much like the show Fear Factor, when a grown man eats the freshly removed testicles of a Donkey, it is difficult to ignore.

So brace yourselves people, for a barrage of "tell-all" books, feature articles, made-for-TV movies, made-for-movie movies, and countless bits of gossip, hearsay and urban myth whose subject is no longer available for rebuttal.

It has begun already, and may never end.

Today is Michael Jackson's memorial and if his life story hasn't been pimped enough, you've got the celebrity line-up of the century performing at what is essentially his wake. We've got screaming fans fighting each other tooth and nail for the opportunity to "honour" the artist that sang of peace, love, togetherness, and gettin' on down wit'cho bad self!

Far be it from me to rise above the madness and speak purely of the artist's work, but I saw a news clip of an older gentlemen, whom I will kindly refer to as "L'homme avec le cou rouge" so as not to offend anyone. He, for some reason, felt the need to point out that this was not as big a loss as Elvis! Now, granted, I was a child when Elvis died and while his body of work speaks for itself in the grand scheme of things, I must confront this as a lover of music and pop culture, and firmly ask, "Are you out of your *#$%@*&# mind?????".

I know there is no need to drag one artist down, to demonstrate the greatness of another, but Monsieur "Cou Rouge" started it, and I must finish.

Hear me now, and please forgive me for this mom, but there is absolutely, positively, undoubtedly, and unquestionably no comparison in the world of music that could ever put Elvis in the ring with Michael Jackson!!!

Elvis was the greatest celebrity of his time, but he was neither the greatest singer, nor songwriter, actor, dancer, musician of his time or any other. He was the pioneer of the crossover, and may have had more actual hits than anyone, and the impact of his death may have been just as great at the time, but as an artist, he cannot be compared to Michael Jackson in any way whatsoever!

Now, I know I have opened the floodgates, so yell and curse at me if you will, but should you doubt the sheer talent and genius of the King of Pop, I encourage you to go ahead and listen to Who's Loving You, a song recorded at the tender age of 10. A blues-y, gospel-y vocal strut that has to have been developed in the womb. His groundbreaking rhythm at a ridiculously young age, both with dance moves and pure vocal funkiness is second-to-none. Listen to Dancing Machine, which the Jacksons recorded when Michael was in his early teens, or I'll Be There when he was 11.

His voice alone would generate excitement in any collaboration. Take, for example Rockwell's one-hit wonder, Somebody's Watching Me. His is the defining line in the song, and it was enough to make it a top 10 hit. The same goes for any of Michael's duets with Mick Jagger (State of Shock) or Paul McCartney (Girl Is Mine, Say Say Say). Even Michael's part in the Wiz's Ease on Down The Road alongside Diana Ross and Nipsy Russell (for those looking to name for their newborn).

Michael stood his ground and over-shadowed the best with a great work ethic and an outstanding natural talent. He repeatedly created things that changed the direction of popular music, video, dance and show business as a whole, whereas Elvis had an awesome voice and a little bit of soul at a time when white dudes just didn't. A wonderful singer, Mr. Presley was, but please don't make me have to come down to Memphis to have this conversation, because I would very much like to not be shot.

So I say, "Let there be 2 kings! The King of Rock, and the King of Pop."

Both started as human beings and ended as legendary icons that the world will never forget....or leave in peace.

Bow Your Head. The King is Dead.

This has to be the blow heard round the world. June 25th, 2009:
The day the King of Pop died.

My late father-in-law called it 10 years ago. Michael Jackson was on TV defending himself yet again for some inappropriate interaction with a kid, or for proclaiming that he was not bleaching his skin, or, and this is the best one, saying that he had NOT had any plastic surgery!!

My father-in-law shook his head and said "This guy's not going to make it past 50."
"Why do you say that?" I asked.
"He lived too much too fast, and that just can't go on for long." He said.

I really didn't think that was a solid theory. I still don't.
Yet here we are, with one of the world's all-time greatest talents leaving us at EXACTLY the age of 50. My father-in-law's deadline.

He had lost some lustre of late, to be sure, but Michael Jackson, until today was still the King!

There was controversy and there was weirdness, but when MJ came to town, people were always there to greet him. Not just our town, but any town, practically anywhere in the world. This guy fascinated everyone, and he did so from the tender age of 5.

Sadly almost anything you say about Michael has either already been said, or it's just obvious. To say he was one of a kind would imply too many things I don't wish to discuss, so instead, I will recount my recollections.

Born August 29, 1958, he was child number 7 for his parents. With the additions of Randy and Janet,there would be nine in total, at which point I assume Mrs. Jackson's uterus simply disintegrated.

By the time he was 11, he was playing with his brothers in the Jackson 5, with a hit record and loads of adoring fans.
I remember the Jackson 5 (That's right, I'm old, so what!?). I remember their variety show. I remember their Saturday morning cartoon, and I remember when Michael first got together with Quincy Jones to release his magnificent Off The Wall album. As a matter of fact, I still have it. Not the CD, the LP (Okay, I'm old. We get it!)
The big hits were:
Don't Stop Till You Get Enough- a song that to this day, can kick start any party.
Rock With You- with that smooth soul groove that has been much covered, but little improved.
Off The Wall, the title track, which has been sampled, covered and remixed repeatedly in dance music, and the Eddie Murphy imitated ballad,
She's Out Of My Life (Tito, get me some tissue. Jermaine, stop teasing!).
Then somebody heard the B side of one of those singles. A song called Working Day and Night which never became a proper hit but has the freakiest rhythm ever and is still played at sporting events, on TV shows and in commercials!
I wondered how one artist could make one album with so much eclectic great music.
No other pop album in my lifetime even compared.

Until 1983.

That's when Thriller came out (Technically, the end of '82).

The first song I heard was The Girl is Mine, his duet with Paul McCartney. It was good, but not the track that was going to flip the world on its ear. ("Paul, I think I told you, I'm a lover, not a fighter!")

Then, at a time when videos were just starting to shape the music industry in a new way, came Billie Jean. No one knew what this video was about but they had Michael Jackson...dancing...on a street where the cobblestones light up when you dance on them. Then he went for the big finish: the half-kick-leg shake-fake shoe tie. His dancing was so unique that they just let him go. There did not seem to be any choreography.

The turning point was that fateful night of Motown's 25th anniversary.
March 25th 1983.
All the great Motown acts were performing and the Jacksons were all there too. Michael did a medley with his brothers until they suddenly left the stage, leaving him alone to the sound of a familiar new beat, the intro to Billie Jean. In my opinion, this was the moment in which Michael Jackson grabbed the world by the tender parts, never to release them. He started his pelvic thrust to the beat, stood up straight, looked both ways, grabbed his hat, and flung it behind him with such style that no one spoke in anticipation of what was to come. Michael did not disappoint, and as the piece de resistance, hit us with a move that streetdancers had been doing for years, but that would forever become his trademark:

The moonwalk!

Believe me when I tell you that everyone watched in awe for the rest of his performance, rendering anything any other Motown great had done until that very minute, completely insignificant. That was all that would be talked about the next day.

The next thing I remember is being in a shopping mall and seeing a crowd gather in front of the electronics store where the big 36" screen TV was about to play the very newest video for his new song, Beat It.

Up until that moment, all we had seen is Michael with the Jacksons or dancing by himself to his own music, but this viedo was awesome. It was the first time you saw a story being told to a great song that included Eddie Van Halen on guitar, and the greatest choreographed dancing to really ewnhance Michael Jackson's own moves. It was tantamount to the space shuttle's first landing on the moon! Moonwalk and all.

Everyone agreed it was the greatest video we had ever seen......until.....
Thriller!!

Thriller was the mother of all music videos and it's debut was highly anticipated by all. That night, millions of families, mine included, sat and waited and then watched in amazement as the King took it to another level.

By mid-1985, you could still not go to a party without at least one Thriller cut being played, be it PYT, Wanna Be Starting Something or any of the aforementioned.
And just so you don't think it was all dance music, he threw in Human Nature (and they said, "Why, why"?).

From then on, the bar had been raised. Everyone else's best was simply the least we expected from Michael.

He had become so popular that Jewish boys were dressing up as him for Purim. You didn't even need much: One glove, a black hat, and for those fortunate few, a red pleather jacket (What? You think anyone is buying it in real leather?).

I could go on and talk about Bad and Dangerous and everything else, but in my fondest memories, that was Michael Jackson at his best: Young, slick, and still black despite the first of many facial configurations.

So, if his music is his legacy, then we have all received a great inheritance.
We will always have the songs.

Farewell dear Michael. You changed the world.

Go in peace.

This summer will commemorate the 30th anniversary a most glorious era on earth!

No, It was not the space shuttle or Haley’s Comet.

It wasn’t Margaret Thatcher’s election as Britain’s Prime Minister (although that was pretty awesome!).

No, my friends. It was the height of perhaps the most pivotal movement in the history of…pivotal movements.

It was the indisputable peak of music history’s most enduring (but also endearing) blemish.

Yes folks…….‘Twas the age of DISCO!!

Disco hit it’s pinnacle in 1979!

It was everywhere atop the charts, and many radio stations had even gone all disco (with the occasional Al Green tune just to break the monotony).

Saturday Night Fever had been in Theatres for about 2 years, and it’s soundtrack had gone 15x Platinum!
A year earlier, you could not enter a home in North America that didn’t have a copy of that record, but by 1979, many of those homes were buying 2nd and 3rd copies because the 1st was so scratched from being over-played, or because the kids were fighting over which songs to play when they practiced groundbreaking moves, like pointing from left to right while simultaneously doing a pelvic thrust, in front of the mirror.
The craze had reached nauseatingly unprecedented proportions.

Just like any other all-encompassing fad, it was bound to drive you batty eventually.

Like when your wife buys you a bright red satin shirt to go with the tight pair of Sergio Valente Jeans that she has taken the liberty to “bedazzle” and tells you it’s the perfect outfit for your buddy’s party. So you break them in while you shop for a Roller Boogie lunch box for your son at K-Mart where Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive is playing over the P.A. (and you are still oblivious as to how annoyingly insidious that song would one day become).
Your daughter comes along to see if she can get a shiny pair of hot pink stretchy pants to wear on her date with some guy who’s trying desperately to look like Andy Gibb with an open leather vest and who drives one of those Trans Ams with a T-roof and the eagle on the hood.

So there you are shakin’ your booty with your Boogie Woogie Dancin’ Shoes on when unbeknownst to you, some rock radio jock in Chicago gets fired because his station switches to an all-disco format. Remember, this was back in the day when radio DJs actually chose and played their own music.

This DJ, Steve Dahl, landed a job as the morning man for a rock station where he began his infamous crusade against what he referred to as “Disco Dystrophy”, an infectious disease that had become a social pandemic. His followers were essentially white folk who couldn’t dance, I assume, but I have no factual basis for that statement, so I digress.

Their objective was clear, and their slogan was simple:

DISCO SUCKS!

No room for ambiguity there.

So that’s when it happened. July 1979. The great “Disco Demolition” at Comiskey Park, home of the Chicago White Sox. The promo took place during a night time double-header between the Sox and Detroit Tigers. Anyone bringing a disco album to the game would be admitted for just 98 cents. Between games, DJ Steve Dahl would blow up those disco albums with fireworks.

Sure. It sounds like a great idea when you say it like that, but over 75,000 people showed up and the huge box containing the records was rigged with what was essentially a small bomb! When it exploded, the bomb tore an enormous hole in the grass! Now, I’m not the most manly sporty type, but it is my understanding that baseball players actually use that little portion of ground. They even have a name for it. It’s commonly referred to as ….THE OUTFIELD!!

The next thing you know, thousands of fans are rushing the field, lighting fires, rioting, destroying the batting cage and stealing bases (no pun intended), but DJ Dahl had already escaped just as he discovered that his listeners were essentially insane.

Disco Sucks? You suck, Steve Dahl!

Okay, honestly, I could live 200 years without ever hearing I Will Survive, YMCA or Staying Alive again, but what about Off The Wall by Michael Jackson, He’s The Greatest Dancer by Sister Sledge, or Got To Give It Up by Marvin Gaye. Everyone remembers Shame by Evelyn "Champagne" King and who can forget Push Push In The Bush by Musique?
Ring My Bell by Anita Ward, or I Love The Nightlife (on the disc ra-howwwnd, yeah!) by Alicia Bridges.

I wish I could have been there. Disco sounds like a blast! (okay, that time the pun was intended)

To quote the inimitable Zohan, “disco disco, good good”.

Happy Anniversary!