Who's the King?

Michael Jackson's death has given the media's greatest vultures a whole new meal plan. The frenzy that will ensue over the next year is going to make Princess Di's death look like my mother's uncle Sam's (Sadly, uncle Sam went out without much fanfare).

I, for one, am neither interested nor impressed by any of these posthumous scandals; the discovery of countless "Last" Wills and Testaments, the genetic evidence of Patrimony, or unsolved allegations of impropriety, but much like the show Fear Factor, when a grown man eats the freshly removed testicles of a Donkey, it is difficult to ignore.

So brace yourselves people, for a barrage of "tell-all" books, feature articles, made-for-TV movies, made-for-movie movies, and countless bits of gossip, hearsay and urban myth whose subject is no longer available for rebuttal.

It has begun already, and may never end.

Today is Michael Jackson's memorial and if his life story hasn't been pimped enough, you've got the celebrity line-up of the century performing at what is essentially his wake. We've got screaming fans fighting each other tooth and nail for the opportunity to "honour" the artist that sang of peace, love, togetherness, and gettin' on down wit'cho bad self!

Far be it from me to rise above the madness and speak purely of the artist's work, but I saw a news clip of an older gentlemen, whom I will kindly refer to as "L'homme avec le cou rouge" so as not to offend anyone. He, for some reason, felt the need to point out that this was not as big a loss as Elvis! Now, granted, I was a child when Elvis died and while his body of work speaks for itself in the grand scheme of things, I must confront this as a lover of music and pop culture, and firmly ask, "Are you out of your *#$%@*&# mind?????".

I know there is no need to drag one artist down, to demonstrate the greatness of another, but Monsieur "Cou Rouge" started it, and I must finish.

Hear me now, and please forgive me for this mom, but there is absolutely, positively, undoubtedly, and unquestionably no comparison in the world of music that could ever put Elvis in the ring with Michael Jackson!!!

Elvis was the greatest celebrity of his time, but he was neither the greatest singer, nor songwriter, actor, dancer, musician of his time or any other. He was the pioneer of the crossover, and may have had more actual hits than anyone, and the impact of his death may have been just as great at the time, but as an artist, he cannot be compared to Michael Jackson in any way whatsoever!

Now, I know I have opened the floodgates, so yell and curse at me if you will, but should you doubt the sheer talent and genius of the King of Pop, I encourage you to go ahead and listen to Who's Loving You, a song recorded at the tender age of 10. A blues-y, gospel-y vocal strut that has to have been developed in the womb. His groundbreaking rhythm at a ridiculously young age, both with dance moves and pure vocal funkiness is second-to-none. Listen to Dancing Machine, which the Jacksons recorded when Michael was in his early teens, or I'll Be There when he was 11.

His voice alone would generate excitement in any collaboration. Take, for example Rockwell's one-hit wonder, Somebody's Watching Me. His is the defining line in the song, and it was enough to make it a top 10 hit. The same goes for any of Michael's duets with Mick Jagger (State of Shock) or Paul McCartney (Girl Is Mine, Say Say Say). Even Michael's part in the Wiz's Ease on Down The Road alongside Diana Ross and Nipsy Russell (for those looking to name for their newborn).

Michael stood his ground and over-shadowed the best with a great work ethic and an outstanding natural talent. He repeatedly created things that changed the direction of popular music, video, dance and show business as a whole, whereas Elvis had an awesome voice and a little bit of soul at a time when white dudes just didn't. A wonderful singer, Mr. Presley was, but please don't make me have to come down to Memphis to have this conversation, because I would very much like to not be shot.

So I say, "Let there be 2 kings! The King of Rock, and the King of Pop."

Both started as human beings and ended as legendary icons that the world will never forget....or leave in peace.