Robert Frost once wrote these words:
"Nothing to look backward to with pride, and nothing to look forward to with hope."
Geez, you talk about a downer. A little optimism Robbie, please. I guess that's what happens when you take the "road less travelled".
When I look at this, our first decade of the entire millenium (if we survive the Al Gore prophecies), I see much to look upon with pride and I am hopeful.
As I examine the music of the last ten years, I wonder by which this era will be defined.
If history is any indication, the years will blur the lines that separate the most poignant artistry with the most carefully crafted diversions. What may be "Bubble-gum pop" today may one day be deemed a classic (I think Justin Beiber's head just exploded).
I fear for the day that I sit in my rocking chair, while the nurse changing my urine bag attempts to relate to me by dicussing the "Classics" of my day. This will inevitably lead to some conversation about how much more insightful the music of Hillary Duff when compared to the likes of Miley Cyrus.
And when we speak of the "saviours of Rock" like The Vines, The Strokes and Arcade Fire, will we be discussing them in the same breath as Jesse McCartney and The Jonas Brothers?
Which acts will stand out as having shaped the 2000s and which will be the influences that mold the future of music for the decades to come?
Rock continues to evolve into harder, louder, and more rebellious forms of Punk, Emo and Post-Neo-Progressive-Alternative-Metallic-Garage-Punk-Funk. That's when two rockers, who are tattooed and pierced from head-to-foot, with distortion pedals on high, use their guitars and drumsticks as weapons by which they fight to the death. (Okay, I made that up, but you can bet someone's pitching this as a reality show as we speak.)
Hip Hop also has few surprises left, so rappers like Soulja Boy will have to invent crazy new slang-engrained hooks so mothers can sing along at bar-mitzvahs, oblivious to the heinous sexual connotations within, while yelling out "Woo-hoo" and "Mazel Tov!".
Here are some of my predictions as the next decade takes shape:
I would like to begin by congratulating Chris Brown for becoming this millenium's first recipient of the "Ike Turner" award. Sure, he apologized, but forgive us for not embracing the "I temporarily lost my temper and accidentally punch and kicked her 78 times" defense. My prediction is that he'll be living with Amy Winehouse sometime soon.
Rihanna: The publicity surrounding her thrashing at the hands of Chris Brown ensured that she, like most battered women, can never return to him without major fan backlash. I expect her to continue making hits through 2020 if for no other reason than to piss him off.
Amy Winehouse: I cannot remember an artist who more quickly entered our zeitgeist with something so artistically sound, only to become her own worst enemy on the road to self-destruction. Thank goodness she gave us her Back To Black album to remember her by, because it would have been depressing if her only legacy was the re-emergence of that beehive hair-do.
Li'l Wayne: The departure of Chris Brown from the scene paves the way for Li'l Wayne whose music is so awesome that there is barely a mention of the fact that he has killed a man, and wears the silently prideful 'teardrop' tattoo as a souvenir. Personally, I would have just gone with the T-shirt that says, "That's right, I killed the bitch.". This has had no effect on his popularity, though. He's winning awards, collaborating with every big name in the biz, and even acting in such "classic" films as Baller Blockin' and Who's Your Caddy?
Note: You may have missed these masterpieces in their mad rush to circumvent the theatres for DVD.
That said, when the music is good, all else is forgiven. Just ask Michael Jackson.
Michael Jackson: What, you thought it was over? Sadly, Michael's death is a rebirth for his family. After all, when was the last time anybody cared what Tito had to say? Now, there's a movie, and a reality show, and they all get to fight over his will, custody of the kids and Bubbles, Webster, 2 giraffes, some marsupial hybrid, and a purple unicorn. The Jacksons will probably open up Neverland to the public. They can open a wax museum featuring different Michaels from childhood right through his various stages of metamorphosis ending in what appears to be Cornelius' wife, Zira, from the original Planet of the Apes.Madonna: It's getting harder to diss Madonna with each passing year because she keeps proving her critics wrong. Her albums and tours always do well, and she always manages to look relatively good. She is certainly in better shape than most 52 year olds I know, but much like Michael Jordan's basketball career, there eventually comes a time when you have to look and say, "You're too old for this", which is why Madonna wisely got into movies. Most people don't realize that Madonna has done over a dozen movies. The reason for that is that most people never see them. Is it because they suck? Yes, but Madonna is succesful because she's smart enough to know when to stop being self-indulgent (i.e. Shanghai Surprise and Evita), and just be a part of something bigger than herself like A League of Their Own. Will she continue to be a teen idol? Probably not, but don't count her out of showbiz. She'll be around and gainfully employed for the next decade at least.
Britney Spears: She either assumes Madonna's throne as the one that continues to reinvent herself and stays on top, or she becomes the next queen of soft-core porn. Actually, not so sure about the "soft-core". My guess is that she doesn't have to resort to that just yet, but don't discount the "accidental" appearance of a mysterious sex-tape with Snoop Dogg or Akon or someone (It worked for Pam Anderson, and those guys are big on collaborations). Britney is no Madonna. She doesn't have the smarts, but she does have the money, and the best producers that that money can buy. She will be okay.
Jay-Z: He will continue to do his thing. He will own the industry, and will continue to branch out into NBA and NFL franchises, clothing lines and technologies. For their 5th anniversary, he will buy Beyonce some extravagant exotic gift like, the Phillipines.
Spice Girls: They reunite, and explain how the answer to what they "really really want" could possibly be to "really really really really wanna zig-a-zig-ah". Stop right there. Thank you very much.
Lady Gaga: She continues making hits, but is never bothered by Paparazzi because no one knows what she actually looks like without the make-up and wig. She is eventually revealed to be Joey Fatone, formerly of N'Sync.
Akon: He eventually shows up on every Hip-hop and R&B album in America, and finally just ends up doing a duet with Barry Manilow (You knew Barry had to be in here somewhere).
Celine Dion: Among the best voices in popular music, she will continue to strive for perfection and will not be satisfied until she gets back to her original body weight of 8 lbs., 6 oz.
Eminem: His talent knows no bounds, but is it me, or is every album becoming angrier and more confrontational? Dude, you're rich. Stop bitching. Alicia Keys: This is my pick to own the decade. She's hot, she can sing, she can actually play and write music, she's hot, she can act and she's hot. All she really needs to do is keep working and stay hot.
Black Eyed Peas: These guys can do no wrong, and Fergie is still going strong after a very succesful, albeit weird, solo project (Fergalicious? Come on.). There's talent and chemistry in this group. Like a succesful marriage, they work well together, but occasionally take separate vacations. They seem to have the right formula for making catchy, commercial hits, so they'll be a hit with teens and tweens for some time to come.
White Stripes: The closest thing to real Rock n' Roll on a commercial level. The talent, the mindset, and the attitude. They are kind of like a modern male/female version of the Ramones in that their approach to writing and recording is about raw simplicity. My guess is that Jack White may end up on his own at some point now that they are divcorced (No, Meg was not his sister), but he seems to have an insatiable need to top their first album, and I believe that despite some pretty great efforts so far, this will drive him to give us something awesome in the '10s.
Kelly Clarkson: For the love of God girl, stop eating! When they told me she was going to be huge, I didn't realize that this is what they meant. This is not about body image. It's about health. She works constantly, and tours, and shows up at every award show, talk show and donut tasting. Kelly, you are rich now. Get a personal chef and trainer so that you can survive this decade and give us more of what we love about you, from the inside. My prediction is, she will heed my words (We're tight like that), and you are going to see a lot "less" of her while she maintains her stronghold over the industry. If only she could just do another movie with Justin Guarini.
Mariah Carey: The clock is ticking on the survival of that last brain cell. Great talent, but she keep her sanity? The odds are not great, but I'll bet that "sex-tape" idea would be great right about now.
As I write this, I realize this should probably be more of a book than a blog, but much like in everyday conversation, I can't help but say something. For that reason, there are many that I have left out, like Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, The Killers, Beyonce, Jamie Foxx, Mary J. Blige, Justin Timberlake, T.I., Leona Lewis, and on and on.....
Please feel welcome to add your comments below.
Happy New Year everybody.
"Nothing to look backward to with pride, and nothing to look forward to with hope."
Geez, you talk about a downer. A little optimism Robbie, please. I guess that's what happens when you take the "road less travelled".
When I look at this, our first decade of the entire millenium (if we survive the Al Gore prophecies), I see much to look upon with pride and I am hopeful.
As I examine the music of the last ten years, I wonder by which this era will be defined.
If history is any indication, the years will blur the lines that separate the most poignant artistry with the most carefully crafted diversions. What may be "Bubble-gum pop" today may one day be deemed a classic (I think Justin Beiber's head just exploded).
I fear for the day that I sit in my rocking chair, while the nurse changing my urine bag attempts to relate to me by dicussing the "Classics" of my day. This will inevitably lead to some conversation about how much more insightful the music of Hillary Duff when compared to the likes of Miley Cyrus.
And when we speak of the "saviours of Rock" like The Vines, The Strokes and Arcade Fire, will we be discussing them in the same breath as Jesse McCartney and The Jonas Brothers?
Which acts will stand out as having shaped the 2000s and which will be the influences that mold the future of music for the decades to come?
Rock continues to evolve into harder, louder, and more rebellious forms of Punk, Emo and Post-Neo-Progressive-Alternative-Metallic-Garage-Punk-Funk. That's when two rockers, who are tattooed and pierced from head-to-foot, with distortion pedals on high, use their guitars and drumsticks as weapons by which they fight to the death. (Okay, I made that up, but you can bet someone's pitching this as a reality show as we speak.)
Hip Hop also has few surprises left, so rappers like Soulja Boy will have to invent crazy new slang-engrained hooks so mothers can sing along at bar-mitzvahs, oblivious to the heinous sexual connotations within, while yelling out "Woo-hoo" and "Mazel Tov!".
Here are some of my predictions as the next decade takes shape:
I would like to begin by congratulating Chris Brown for becoming this millenium's first recipient of the "Ike Turner" award. Sure, he apologized, but forgive us for not embracing the "I temporarily lost my temper and accidentally punch and kicked her 78 times" defense. My prediction is that he'll be living with Amy Winehouse sometime soon.
Rihanna: The publicity surrounding her thrashing at the hands of Chris Brown ensured that she, like most battered women, can never return to him without major fan backlash. I expect her to continue making hits through 2020 if for no other reason than to piss him off.
Amy Winehouse: I cannot remember an artist who more quickly entered our zeitgeist with something so artistically sound, only to become her own worst enemy on the road to self-destruction. Thank goodness she gave us her Back To Black album to remember her by, because it would have been depressing if her only legacy was the re-emergence of that beehive hair-do.
Li'l Wayne: The departure of Chris Brown from the scene paves the way for Li'l Wayne whose music is so awesome that there is barely a mention of the fact that he has killed a man, and wears the silently prideful 'teardrop' tattoo as a souvenir. Personally, I would have just gone with the T-shirt that says, "That's right, I killed the bitch.". This has had no effect on his popularity, though. He's winning awards, collaborating with every big name in the biz, and even acting in such "classic" films as Baller Blockin' and Who's Your Caddy?
Note: You may have missed these masterpieces in their mad rush to circumvent the theatres for DVD.
That said, when the music is good, all else is forgiven. Just ask Michael Jackson.
Michael Jackson: What, you thought it was over? Sadly, Michael's death is a rebirth for his family. After all, when was the last time anybody cared what Tito had to say? Now, there's a movie, and a reality show, and they all get to fight over his will, custody of the kids and Bubbles, Webster, 2 giraffes, some marsupial hybrid, and a purple unicorn. The Jacksons will probably open up Neverland to the public. They can open a wax museum featuring different Michaels from childhood right through his various stages of metamorphosis ending in what appears to be Cornelius' wife, Zira, from the original Planet of the Apes.Madonna: It's getting harder to diss Madonna with each passing year because she keeps proving her critics wrong. Her albums and tours always do well, and she always manages to look relatively good. She is certainly in better shape than most 52 year olds I know, but much like Michael Jordan's basketball career, there eventually comes a time when you have to look and say, "You're too old for this", which is why Madonna wisely got into movies. Most people don't realize that Madonna has done over a dozen movies. The reason for that is that most people never see them. Is it because they suck? Yes, but Madonna is succesful because she's smart enough to know when to stop being self-indulgent (i.e. Shanghai Surprise and Evita), and just be a part of something bigger than herself like A League of Their Own. Will she continue to be a teen idol? Probably not, but don't count her out of showbiz. She'll be around and gainfully employed for the next decade at least.
Britney Spears: She either assumes Madonna's throne as the one that continues to reinvent herself and stays on top, or she becomes the next queen of soft-core porn. Actually, not so sure about the "soft-core". My guess is that she doesn't have to resort to that just yet, but don't discount the "accidental" appearance of a mysterious sex-tape with Snoop Dogg or Akon or someone (It worked for Pam Anderson, and those guys are big on collaborations). Britney is no Madonna. She doesn't have the smarts, but she does have the money, and the best producers that that money can buy. She will be okay.
Jay-Z: He will continue to do his thing. He will own the industry, and will continue to branch out into NBA and NFL franchises, clothing lines and technologies. For their 5th anniversary, he will buy Beyonce some extravagant exotic gift like, the Phillipines.
Spice Girls: They reunite, and explain how the answer to what they "really really want" could possibly be to "really really really really wanna zig-a-zig-ah". Stop right there. Thank you very much.
Lady Gaga: She continues making hits, but is never bothered by Paparazzi because no one knows what she actually looks like without the make-up and wig. She is eventually revealed to be Joey Fatone, formerly of N'Sync.
Akon: He eventually shows up on every Hip-hop and R&B album in America, and finally just ends up doing a duet with Barry Manilow (You knew Barry had to be in here somewhere).
Celine Dion: Among the best voices in popular music, she will continue to strive for perfection and will not be satisfied until she gets back to her original body weight of 8 lbs., 6 oz.
Eminem: His talent knows no bounds, but is it me, or is every album becoming angrier and more confrontational? Dude, you're rich. Stop bitching. Alicia Keys: This is my pick to own the decade. She's hot, she can sing, she can actually play and write music, she's hot, she can act and she's hot. All she really needs to do is keep working and stay hot.
Black Eyed Peas: These guys can do no wrong, and Fergie is still going strong after a very succesful, albeit weird, solo project (Fergalicious? Come on.). There's talent and chemistry in this group. Like a succesful marriage, they work well together, but occasionally take separate vacations. They seem to have the right formula for making catchy, commercial hits, so they'll be a hit with teens and tweens for some time to come.
White Stripes: The closest thing to real Rock n' Roll on a commercial level. The talent, the mindset, and the attitude. They are kind of like a modern male/female version of the Ramones in that their approach to writing and recording is about raw simplicity. My guess is that Jack White may end up on his own at some point now that they are divcorced (No, Meg was not his sister), but he seems to have an insatiable need to top their first album, and I believe that despite some pretty great efforts so far, this will drive him to give us something awesome in the '10s.
Kelly Clarkson: For the love of God girl, stop eating! When they told me she was going to be huge, I didn't realize that this is what they meant. This is not about body image. It's about health. She works constantly, and tours, and shows up at every award show, talk show and donut tasting. Kelly, you are rich now. Get a personal chef and trainer so that you can survive this decade and give us more of what we love about you, from the inside. My prediction is, she will heed my words (We're tight like that), and you are going to see a lot "less" of her while she maintains her stronghold over the industry. If only she could just do another movie with Justin Guarini.
Mariah Carey: The clock is ticking on the survival of that last brain cell. Great talent, but she keep her sanity? The odds are not great, but I'll bet that "sex-tape" idea would be great right about now.
As I write this, I realize this should probably be more of a book than a blog, but much like in everyday conversation, I can't help but say something. For that reason, there are many that I have left out, like Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, The Killers, Beyonce, Jamie Foxx, Mary J. Blige, Justin Timberlake, T.I., Leona Lewis, and on and on.....
Please feel welcome to add your comments below.
Happy New Year everybody.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment