Tattoo You

As a fan of both Hip-Hop and NBA basketball, something I read recently struck me as amusing.

One of many similarities between NBA and Hip-hop culture is the trend of interesting body art. It was not long ago that it was rare to see basketball players with tattoos at all, let alone intricate designs reflecting personal philosophies, religious views or proclamations of a particular spiritual ideology. Now that we live in a world where every available surface seems to be an advertising opportunity, it seems fitting that toned bodies that are pleasing to the eye be utilized as a canvas for such profound messagerie.

It calls to mind a friend of my brothers who tattooed an intriguing ancient Chinese symbol on her back shoulder blade. Lovely a shoulder blade as it was, I was more fascinated with what this lovely specimen of femininity felt she wanted her back-viewing public to know about her. So I asked her what significance this curious symbol had to her. Her reply was, "Oh, I don't know. I just thought it would look really cool on my shoulder blade."

When I was done repeatedly banging my forehead against the back of a chair, I proceeded to speak to (I think I was lecturing) why anyone would permanently adorn themselves with a message that not only had no personal significance, but that could very well say something ugly or demeaning about them (as if the action itself hadn't already done that).

While this may surprise people, I now have information that will show that even athletes (who are supposed to be intellectually superior due to the 1 mandatory year of college) and rap artists who at the very least have to be literate (hey, you can't just memorize lyrics. You have to write them down) have been known to perform this very same blunder.

Shawn Marion's leg.

For example, former interim Toronto Raptor, Shawn Marion, a.k.a. Matrix, thought he had ink that said that very thing in Japanese. He recently discovered that it may have been more of a loose translation as instead of Matrix, his tattoo translates to "Demon bird moth balls"?!

I think a Manilow fan called me that once.
Britney Spears tattooed 3 Hebrew letters that seem to form a word on the back of her neck. It's apparently something from the Kabballah that means "healing", but it actually means nothing...nothing at all.

Oh well, I guess complete gibberish is better than "Evil spirit Cocker Spaniel".

Chris Anderson of the Denver Nuggets thought he tattooed the words "good" and "bad" on each of his shoulders (because that would have been super-clever), but apparently the word "bad" in Chinese is awfully close to their word for "Nausea". Guess which one he got.

Ladies and gentlemen, you can erase mistakes, you can tear pages out of books and hell, I just deleted a series of expletives regarding some of these geniuses but when you embed an inked image into your skin permanently, I think you owe it to yourself to do a little more research.

Better yet, here's an idea:

Stick to a language you actually understand. If that's asking too much because you have trouble with stuff like, oh I don't know...reading, but really feel you must have a certain portion of your body covered in ink, maybe try a picture.

Hey, it's your choice, but imagine meeting say, a Swedish woman who has a tattoo in English that she believes to say "Foxy Lady" but what it really says is "I have ambiguous sex organs". Would it have the same impact? My guess is that it may not come off as cool. Especially years from now when the grandchildren bring their friends over.

Body art can be sexy, but in the words of the artist once known as the artist formerly known as Prince, "forever is a mighty long time".

Peace out y'all.